Rejection

It was in the fall of my senior year of high school, and I can remember it like it was yesterday—a time of year to be excited about it being my last year of high school and planning for graduation. I had just come home from work, and my parents were talking in the living room, so I went to my room. I left my room a little later and noticed my dad walking to their bedroom with a suitcase. My mom told me he was leaving. I remember watching him leave without saying goodbye.

For the first few months after, I remember being in a fog. My dad did not contact us for a while after he left us. Then we got notes and letters saying we had abandoned him because we didn't contact him, etc. Months later, he told me in a conversation that he had been so messed up that he was going to get a gun and kill my mom and himself, but he left so he wouldn’t.

It is hard not to think you did something wrong, are not enough, are not loved, and it is all your fault. It was hard to see my mom struggle as well. She lost a lot of weight and became ill, and I had to wake up in the middle of the night to check on her a few times.

I have always had a fear of rejection even if I didn’t realize it. I have always felt that if something went wrong, it was my fault—that I did something wrong. I had to be good and not do anything wrong, so I would be liked and loved. It was just recently that I realized I am loved, and it wasn't my fault.

God loves me, and He loves you. It is incredible to know that He loved us FIRST, and He doesn't love us for what we do or whether we are good. We don't have to perform to obtain His love for us. He loves us unconditionally. When a parent rejects and abandons us, we look for unconditional love, and we can find it if we accept and receive God's love for us—not in performing, being perfect, or being good.