More About My Life and Hidden Secret

My mom had me when she was just 17. I was told that her dad did not speak to her for a few months after she told my grandparents. He was 19, my mom 17. My sister came three years later when my mom was 20. When I was around four or five, my dad became a Christian and went to Bible College. A few years later, he became the pastor of a small church, eventually wanting to become a missionary. At the age of 12, we moved to England and then Germany to have churches for the American military. When I was 15, we moved back to the US. We moved around frequently as I grew up. Many times, it was at least once a year, but sometimes it was less.

When I was about 17, I began to suspect my dad was not my biological father. Certain dates and other information did not add up. I would often try to ask questions about relevant events. Finally, the night I graduated from high school, my mom and I were talking on her bed. I asked her if my dad was my biological father. I did not plan on asking; I just did. She told me he was not my biological father.

My biological father was also 17, and when my mom found out she was pregnant with me, he did not want to have anything to do with me. In fact, I was told that his father wanted my mom to have an abortion. A year or so after I found all of this out, one of my mom’s high school classmates helped connect my biological father and me, and I was able to meet him. He lives three miles from where my grandparents lived, and I had driven by his dad’s farm multiple times.

So much went through my mind at the time I found out. I think I had a million thoughts going through my head. It was a lot to take in and deal with. I was not angry that I hadn’t known when many people did. There were times when I could have found out, but the timing would have been wrong. I also understood the circumstances surrounding the event and had an understanding of my mom. It was the right time for me to know, and I believe God had been preparing me to learn of the secret.

I am a great deal like my biological father despite not having been raised by him. I am very thankful for the relationship I have with him, but biology does mean “Dad” or “Daddy.” I do not think of him in that way. I was 19 when I met him. It is my dad who raised me and who is “Dad” despite the abuse.

A couple of things helped me through this experience. First, having God in my life gave me the grace and help needed to face that tough time. Secondly, I think looking fully at the situation gave me an understanding, which helped to avoid anger and bitterness and allowed me to accept the situation.